Heads Up!
This attempt at bringing to you “10 Tips for Balancing Motherhood and Battling Mental Health Issues” is in no way a “by-the-book” or “well researched” article. I am very simply and transparently communicating the challenges of mental health that I manage to live with and how I make it through certain, if not every, parenting moment this beautiful life gifts me.
Key notes
- You are beautifully and wonderfully made.
- Live in the moment.
- This too shall pass.
Tip No. 1: BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU
Unapologetically: in a manner that does not acknowledge or express regret.
Let me start this one off by saying that I don’t mean to be harsh. I am in no way telling you to be hateful or totally selfish/self-centered. I am, however, saying that I had to learn the hard way to be “just me” again. When I became a mother, I promised (as we all do) to be the very best mom that I could be. In the very beginning that seemed to look a lot like putting everything that I enjoyed doing, aside from being a mom, on hold. The baby needed my undivided attention. That’s so true- a baby does have many constant needs. When the baby was sleeping I was preparing for when the nap would end- making bottles, doing laundry, taking out dirty diapers…(you know, the list that never ends).
As the years passed I found myself grumpy, on the edge, always complaining that there wasn’t enough time in the day, snapping at everyone like a caged chihuahua, and losing control of my emotions altogether. I would cry at the drop of a hat and laugh when absolutely uncalled for…yikes! To say I was a train-wreck would be an understatement.
Have you found yourself here? It isn’t a good place to be in- I can tell ya that!
I slowly started demanding time for myself. Time to “unwind”. Whether it was a thirty minute walk around the neighborhood, finding my escape in a book, a hot bath, or turning on an old western, I decided to start cutting out tiny pieces of my day to alleviate my mind and step away from my stressors. I wasn’t good at this overnight, of course. My kids were teen and preteen at this time and still needed something from me at every.single.second of the day (at least in my mind it sure seemed that way). There was always a question I had to answer, an argument to mediate, or something I just had to “come see” That along with everyday- adult demands, along with not making time to do something that brings you pure delight and peace will chip away at your own sense of self.
This is why I decided that tip number one should be, “BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU”. It is okay to be you. You are the only you there is on this planet. So, take care of yourself! Your mental health and well-being is so important- not just for you either, but for everyone around you! Your kids and spouse will thank you for this. They may balk at it at first, but they will come around and if they don’t…oh well! You are so important– never apologize for just simply being you.
Treat yourself! Relax and take he necessary time that you need in order to be the best version of yourself.
Moreover, respect the time that you have been granted and with it, be kind to yourself.
Tip No. 2: BE OPEN & HONEST WITH EVERYONE INVOLVED
Okay, y’all, don’t shut me down just yet. I know the title of tip number two can seem a bit “much” for anyone who is already dealing with mental health issues while parenting the best hey can…but hear me out on this one. Remember, I am not saying anything to you that I haven’t already said to myself and fumbled my way through. When we are hurt, it is often difficult to be transparent especially with our loved ones- children being the most difficult because we want so badly to shield them from hardships or what we may sometimes refer to as our “short-comings“.
Listen to me, though. I have been there more times than a few and I am here to tell you that honesty is where it’s at. Your children need your honesty. You need your honesty. It isn’t easy to open up to people about mental health issues. My gosh, especially if it is anxiety, depression, or ADD/ADHD! I can personally attest to many people who don't battle these, as being critics who believe “it is all made up”. We know that it isn’t. In fact, these conditions are very much real. Being open with yourself and your children about your feelings will help to keep you all on the same page. If you have been overstimulated and anxious about every little thing today, you have an outing planned for the night and you find yourself snapping at the kids or ignoring them all while crankily yanking and slamming things around- trying to blow off a little steam then let.them.know. It is okay to step outside or away to take a deep breath and just refocus your energy. Settle your thoughts, realign your tongue (sometimes we say things we don’t mean in times of distress), then go back inside and calmly explain to your children the day that you have had, how you are feeling (overwhelmed, sad, aggravated, etc…), and what they can do to help you get back on track. Teamwork! I find that even young kids are more intuitive than we often think and can handle this well. No, you don’t have to worry their little minds with details of why you’ve had a “bad” day or what exactly has you stressed out. We don’t want our problems to become their problems. That would be terrible. We do however, owe it to them to be open about what is ultimately affecting them too. Be honest about your feeling and your expectations. Be honest to yourself about your feelings. If you are feeling sad, acknowledge that you are. This way, you can address it, learn why you are feeling sad and work on a plan to bring yourself back into a place of happiness. If we live in denial and constantly ignore our feelings we will become increasingly more anxious or depressed. The two of those go hand-in-hand in my experience.
“It’s okay to not be okay” -Michael Clifford
It is absolutely okay to not be okay. Just let your loved ones know so that they can be there for you. I used to shutdown out of embarrassment and denial. I stayed in denial a lot- I liked it there, but when I accepted my truth I became embarrassed and shutdown. That always left me deeper in my depression. As I learned to start letting them know what was bothering me and not being too embarrassed to let it be known that I wasn’t like “everyone” else and I couldn’t handle things the way that others always seemed to, I found even more love and understanding. Sometimes, even if they didn’t understand, they were still kind and helped where they could. Don’t suffer alone in silence. Listen to your innermost self, talk to others, be open and honest. Good things will happen and better days will come.
